2 years ago when I started writing the "Inventory of the inside" my second poetry manuscript, I was working on putting outside what has been living within me for all of my life until that period of time, I wrote hundrends of poems, phrases and kept 50 of them. I made this work trying to exorcise from me all that was glued into my skin in order to make a new one.
Today I translated it into english the best I could for you my friends, so that I can share with you once more because I believe now that, that's what I'm the best at... at sharing.
The first poem was about my inhability to become pregnant, the second one I wrote a week ago when I was full of hope about my future with this "miracle child", I can see now that I was already questioning myself about the experience I was going through.


Bloody eggs, dried,
damaged, dead
and devoid of any breath,
any child.

Life has made ​​its choice
it will not be me.
My belly wasn’t good or fun
Life just did not wanted to,
it has never entered in me.

There will be no inhabitant
or expulsion.
My body will not be
the landlord of another’s soul.

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Beyond the day and the night
there's you.
Waiting,
getting ready for the transition.
To the smile of life
already taking shape in your lips.
Waiting,
in construction
in transmutation.
You who took your time
What do you want to teach me?


Thank you so so much my dear friends for being there and for sending me your messages that warm my heart so deeply, I don't have enough words to express my gratitude. Thank you for reading me because this is just how I am, I need to write and to express my feelings, with no boundaries.
In regards to what I'm living, I'm a still a mother today and will still be one for the next couple of days, normally everything will end this first week of January. January, the month that I connect with death, my mother died in January, my child will be gone in January too and can you believe that I still love X-mas ? :) Yes I do, even if I know the memories will be even harder in 12 months from now.
Mother is now more than never an ephemeral word for me.